The light enters…..

My aikido training began in 1988; with whom is not quite important and where is even less important. What is important is the moment that “this is something different” occurred to me, created an instant change in my perception of the martial arts and human interaction. I matured physically, mentally and emotionally, but discontinued my training as a result of just what I’ll call “life”. Always in the recesses of my mind, was this thing….Aikido. Again, I will be blunt. I was immature; I wanted to study a Martial Art that would allow me to kick the crap out of someone. I imaged some fool accosting me and me dropping him immediately. I guess I watched too much T.V, read too many superhero comic books.

As a young athlete in fantastic physical condition, I was reckless. I did not appreciate the different path on which this art places its practitioners. I was more concerned with the physical accomplishments that I believed Aikido would allow me to achieve. I concerned myself with conquering, winning, defeating, physically dominating…etc…in a moment this statement will make some sense. It is more than just the generic statements that many make when they discover Aikido, or listen to the esoteric statements about the spiritual component of this fantastic style. What is interesting is that even in my immaturity and lack of knowing, I still saw a power in Aikido that was unique, and cloaked from the general Martial Arts community. The cloaking is not a purposeful act, but rather it exists because the general Martial community is more concerned with those things I was concerned with…..the result, the end point…that end point is physical domination.

Let me say that physical domination has its place. If one must do that in the face of eminent danger, it is certainly important to know how to do that in an expedient, effective way. It would be disingenuous to say that a little doubt isn’t in my mind when I train. “Will this work, if I need to protect myself” is always in the corner of my mind, the back of my mind, the front of my mind and shadows my every movement. “Will this work?”…..

Then the light entered…..one day, a sempai and close friend said to me, “You know, a sensei (I am paraphrasing) said to me, that you have to trust the technique.”

Hmmm….trust the technique? What does that look like on the mat? How do I do that when someone is rushing to me to DO something to me? Hmmm…methinks this sempai is out of her/his mind. Trust what technique? I will trust my fist in his face and this attacker on the ground looking up, as I get away from him/her...trust the technique…what is this person talking about? If this person is telling me that I’m doing it wrong, then how do I do is properly? I have to make this thing work…All of these things went through my mind. As I listened to my sempai, waiting for an opportunity to say, “You are crazy”, or “I have no idea what you are talking about”, it occurred to me, that he had hit the nail on the head. If I trust the technique, then my mind and spirit quiets down, the doubt is stilled and my body will focus on moving out of danger instinctively without trying to “do” something to someone else. Humph…what a novel idea!

And so, a new way of training began. Suddenly, the sentences spoken to me by my senseis and sempais, weren’t sentences anymore. They were specific instructions as to how to move, re-direct, blend and subsequently off balance my practice partner. These words became keys to unlocking the power of Aikido; a power that only an Aikido practitioner would begin to see and commit to learning deeper. The light enters…..my youthful immaturity could not have fathomed this. Tonight the sensei said to me, “maybe you needed this as a youth, but your mind is now ready to accept it.” I believe this sensei is dead on.

One of my senseis also said “Aikido is personal, it’s your own.”  On another occasion, this person said, “It’s a process. You must be patient.” Also, over the past few months my Sempai said to me, ‘you’ve got to respect the process. You can’t just go from point A to B.” Academically, I understood that. I KNEW that, I heard myself saying to myself… (Hmmm). Then one day, the light entered and I realized that I had to respect the process. I know this statement sounds redundant, but the difference is that there is the one dimensional academic level of understanding, but then there is the wholistic level where your body and being suddenly becomes somewhat ‘comfortable’ for want of a better word with the continued, repetitive, but still different movement. We begin to feel when we take someone off balance, if we trust the technique and respect the process. We begin to feel when we move away from our center…My body seemed to look for the practice, so to speak. I’d heard these statements many times before, but This Time, it hit the core of me. This time, I truly heard “Trust the technique, respect the process….train, train, train.” It all made physical and spiritual sense to me. It has never been about rushing to the end, to conquer the “other”; “the outer”….It’s always been about commitment, patience, confidence and trust. Trust is not this “kumbyah, let’s all hold hands, get along and go skipping off into a rainbow filled land of skittles and sunshine,” sentiment. But rather, Trust occurs to me as something that lets us know that our continued, committed training (without altering what is shown, to what we want it to be) will result in a positive outcome. Our senseis spend quite a bit of time, with their own personal training, to show us specific things. If we practice what they show us, versus, what we think we see, or what we think it “should be”, we will develop a trust in this art, which will lead us to learn the power of Aikido. We must practice with confidence, commitment and intention.

Blending, re-directing, dynamic movement, don’t clash, block or seek to stop the energy flow…Quell the doubt in your mind and the peer pressure that says Aikido doesn’t work. Trust the technique. It works.

The light will enter…..

Copyright © 2012 Dena Williams. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Dena Williams, or aikiseeker.blogspot.com.